This holiday season I am only asking for one gift – a Garmin Street Pilot GPS navigator.
    It’s no longer just a matter of need; it’s an emergency.
    I know I have never said I was great with maps, but during the last few months I have realized my knowledge of geography is less than sub-par. Fortunately for me, I already know I need additional time to get anywhere outside of Portland or Augusta, so my poor geographical skills haven’t become a prominent problem. But I know it’s only a matter of time.
    And I am pretty sure I know where it originated from. Of course, like most of my life stories, this one starts with my parents.
    When I was young, my grandparents on my dad’s side lived in Naples, only a few hundred yards from Sebago Lake. We made many trips with my dad’s boat to their house, sometimes even bringing along some of my dad’s boater friends.
    One trip, we left hastily, following one of our boater friends in an area semi-unfamiliar to my mom. We took two vehicles on this particular trip, so my dad was leading the pack. I couldn’t’ tell you which road we were on, or what town we were in, which will really start to make sense by the time you are finished reading this column, but I remember the taillights of my dad’s boat getting further and further away. At some point we went straight, when we should have turned and ended up traveling a road that was straight out of a murder movie. My mother was frantic. As our friend pulled off the road and approached the vehicle with a map, my mom and I looked at each other.
    As he pulled out the map and started pointing to various sections and roads my mom cut him off quickly stating, “you can show me anything on that map but I still wouldn’t be able to help us.” Thankfully, we made it out of the area easily, making it home only a few minutes after my dad.
Recently I am the one who has found myself at the wheel of that eternal question – where are we? I couldn’t count the number of times I have called my boyfriend Brandon seeking directions. Although I know he can’t really help me, I am only going to get better if I just drive until I find a familiar place, but I think subconsciously I want to involve him in the daily driving escapades that encompass my life.
    During one adventure I drove what I call the coastal route. I drove endless miles around Old Orchard Beach in search for a road that even MapQuest couldn’t identify. I may not be able to read a map, but I can read words so, yes, MapQuest became my savior – unfortunately even that was short lived, cut off after the directions I printed told me to make a left turn, but didn’t include onto what road the turn should be made.
At another time, I called Brandon frantic, because a meeting I had didn’t get over until it was dark out. As I raced to my car and turned on my lights, it started pouring. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid of water or rain and I have never experienced any melting but my vision is already bad at night. I drove in circles for more than 30 minutes, then finally gave in and made the call.
“You have to stop calling me about these things,” Brandon said. “You need to print directions to get back.”
Although I knew he was right, I was frustrated and I was driving on narrow, curving roads – fearing I was on the brink of hitting a pedestrian or a moose.
When I was a sophomore in college I drove home one weekend to see my parents. When I was driving back down to school, at USM, I took the wrong exit and am 99 percent positive I was driving in the Bronx. Once again, I couldn’t tell you where I was, but I know it was a section of Portland I wouldn’t want to visit again.
Some weekends, my mom comes to visit me in Portland and we joke frequently about her lack of ability to find her way through Portland. She can’t help it, she doesn’t live down here. We have shared many laughs surrounding the number of times she’s been lost in Portland.
My brother is known to be a caller as well. Last year, I received a few calls from him, asking me how to get back to the interstate from his location. The first thought in my head was, why would he call me, when we both know I couldn’t find my way around he block. Maybe he really thought I knew the area. Maybe I am being too hard on myself.
I don’t want a navigation system that talks to me. Believe me I really don’t need any more distractions, but I need one that is clear, simple and full of geographical knowledge. Let’s face it, the thing really needs to have the knowledge of two people, since I have none.