By Audrey Gup-Mathews

Guest contributor

When I was single, I was never one to be set up on “blind dates” by well-meaning relatives who thought they had “the perfect guy” for me. Similarly, I prefer to manage my own job search, since I am most familiar with my skills and work experience.

As a recipient of unemployment benefits, I am required to attend a government-sponsored meeting now and then, the subject of which is “how to find a job.”

At each meeting, our class leader recommends that we register on LEON (Labor Exchange on the Net), a job referral service located on the Maine government Career Center Web site. Job hunters fill out a questionnaire about their work qualifications and experience, and the Career Center matches them with current job openings. Think of it as the “eHarmony.com” for the unemployed.

I postponed registering on the LEON site for a while, mainly because I was afraid of what jobs the government might think were suitable for me and how far away those jobs might be. If they sent me a job that I would really hate, would I have to apply for it? Would I risk losing my unemployment benefits if I didn’t accept their referral?

On the other hand, maybe they really would help me find gainful employment. The risk-taker in me won the argument, and I signed onto LEON. After filling out a detailed job profile about myself, I waited for the first referrals to appear in my inbox.

LEON ended up being the matchmaker from you-know-where. “He” sent me a job referral for a “horticulturist” position on a farm in Saco. According to my dictionary, a “horticulturist” is someone who is knowledgeable about “the science of growing fruit, flowers and vegetables.” I majored in Art History in college. I have an almost psychotic fear of bees. While I plant cosmos every year in my front yard (mainly because they are pretty and do not attract bees), my plants have been known to suffer from neglect. 

Next, LEON sent me a referral for an “anchor/reporter” position at WGME News Channel 13. Since I like to write, this was a little closer match to my job profile, but the idea of appearing on camera in front of a gazillion people gave me an instant anxiety attack. The online job description specified, “Previous experience on air as an anchor and reporter are essential.” The only air I’ve ever been on is the one I breathe. 

Why were LEON’s job matches so off base? I decided it was time to take another look at my LEON job profile, to see if I had accurately described my skills and experience. I checked the profile, question by question, and found it to be pretty accurate. I really couldn’t change a thing!

After receiving a job referral from LEON for a “translator” position, where the employer was seeking “individuals with experience in Arabic, Vietnamese, Khmer, Nuer, Dinka, Amharic, Cantonese, Mandarin, Tagalog, Lao, and Thai” – I figured that LEON and I weren’t making much progress.

Then LEON set me up with the ultimate “Prince Charming” of job referrals. The “Brad Pitt” of the referral world: “chief executive officer, city of Portland.” I could be “head honcho” of the largest city in Maine! Well, I have been the head of a small nonprofit arts organization . . . I’ve gotten students in my classes to turn in work that I never thought they could produce... I even got a grant for some new pianos once ... Maybe I can be the head of a city! Where’s that application form? 

It turns out that the “chief executive officer” job description on the LEON Web site was missing one vital detail. I called human resources for the city of Portland to ask a question about the job, and they informed me that the opening is actually for the chief executive officer of a new Community Health Center in Portland. Applicants must be “board-certified in family practice or internal medicine and must maintain an active medical license in the state of Maine.” Guess I’ll have to go to medical school.

Gup-Mathews can be reached  at www.writeimpressionmaine.com.